ROFL!!

The Broken ones

have you ever found a song that was about you…

“I can’t help it, I love the broken ones, the ones who, need the most patching up…”

It’s kinda of intoxicating to know your not alone. 

Love comes in Acrylics.

I think I’ve figured out why “The Vow” hit me so hard. Why after watching it I was dumbfounded and emotionally messed up. First off, the leading character Paige, whom is played by Rachel McAdams reminds me of my former best friend Nicole Bracey. She was so exotic and daring to be able to  jump head first into a career that comes with no guarantee, to be confident enough to just peruse her dreams in that way. While watching the movie I really envisioned them as one person. So to see her slip back into whom she used to be, to move backwards instead of forward was devastating. The next was the ideals and perceptions I have of the artist life style. With no promise of steady income life seems like  of course it would come with extreme struggles, the bad times would be crushing, but oh when one imagines the good times, and the happy moments two people sharing that life style could have it’s so beautiful. It takes the honest hardships of life and blends it with the struggles of being an artist, and glamorizes it with the promise of undying unconditional love.  In this way the movie was good all on it’s own, but then  it also had the deeper emotional outcomes, for although she dose forget who she was and what happened to spark t he change to transform her into the daring and beautiful person she had become and the life she had created with her huncky husband, Leo Collins played by Channing Tatum. There is also all the contexts of what he dose to get her back and how she reacts. From the very beginning the idea of waking up one day and forgetting everything that makes you who you are is scary, but to someone single ( and hating it) even the idea of waking up to find out I am in love and forgot is better then being alone. Maybe that’s just me, and maybe I am completely crazy, but deep down the movie made me question what I am working towards in life, and if I’m doing everything that is really right for me!

It also was a great source of inspiration for the amazing things that can come from being the person you really are!

Sincerely, Tamara.

Le vœu.

 Today I watched a  movie that although I know is fictional I had to write about it. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a movie that captured my emotions the way this one did. I actually cried in the theatre. It was simply a magic film. The love depicted on the screen was simply breath taking.  I hope that one day I find something as organic and pure as that  movie love was. The story line in point form was she forgot, he tried to remind her, it didn’t work, and eventually there paths intertwined again. A vow is something that you can never truly go bad on, cause a promise made with the heart will always remain.

 

 

“I vow to live within the warmth of your heart.”

Je me le procurer, et je sais que je suis foutu, Mais vous l’êtes aussi.

“Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I’d done
And I don’t wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know…”

I don’t believe it

(I don’t even need your love.)

Je donnerais n’importe quoi pour nous de travailler.

Today approximately around 3pm I had to go through the motions of a break up while single. for the last four years I’ve loved one guy more than any other… That said, his love someone manages to poison anything good within me. He can be so negative about himself and others around him, even me. I know deep down that he really loves me and that I really love him, but it’s not enough for me any more to just settle with a marginally successful relationship. I want a long lasting healthy relationship, one where I don’t have to feel so angry or vindictive. I know it’s hard to believe that with so much frustration and open hostility that I actually can love him, and maybe it true. I am not 100% sure what I feel for him any more… I’ve known him for so long, I’ve learned all about him, just as he has with me. The scariest idea is imagining myself having to relearn another person. I know that the traits that I fell in love with Ira originally for are still there and that I still love those things, but with us heading in two different directions at different speeds I’ve made the decision to just stick with me, to let him go and to move on.  I wish that I could remain his friend, I wish that he cared enough to equally want to remain in contact, but alas his ego is too bruised, and his heart to hurt, so for now and maybe always I will have to view him as the one I let get away.

My biggest woe and fear is the regret that goes hand in hand with rough break ups and long loves. Could he have really been the one? What if he was exactly everything I ever wanted? What if… is always the start of the sentience that kept me around.  Now I’ve decided that if I am going to keep using “what if’s” I will use them in a positive manner.

“What if I become someone better with him gone and in that time I manage to find someone who loves me 100% for me and dosn’t need me to lead him by the hand. What if we can equally come together at the middle to create a functioning/healthy relationship. What if that’s how it’s supposed to be? “

Aimez-vous.

In the last year I’ve been feeling trapped, trapped by whom I have been and all   these dreams that will take longer than 5 months to complete. I hate waiting around and not accomplishing things. I don’t know where all the ants from, the ones that are, excuse the cliché,  in my pants. I think all my suffering is because I’ve been focusing too much on what I want and what I want to happen at the end of the road, instead of being really here. I need to focus more on the moment and what I already have done, and what I am slowly accomplishing and the beauty of enjoying every single moment. However, this is always something I’ve found incredibly hard. I think the main thing I need to start working on is inner focus. I need to find my centre and work from there.  I used to try and get yoga in at least once a month. I would truly like to get meditation and yoga in at least once a day. To have that kind of dedication to me of all things I feel would really bring me home. So as a belated new years resolution I am going to make yoga and mediation a constant goal. I hope to write soon,  and give some sort of update.

tu ne te souviens?

Not a single word was said, no final kiss to seal any sin, I had no idea of the state we were in.

I know I have a  fickle heart, and a bitterness, and a wandering eye and heaviness in my head. But don’t you remember? …you loved me before.

Grosse voiture noire.

“Hope was a letter I never could send
Love was a country we couldn’t defend.” ❤

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just a little self made computer wallpaper.

Au revoir à qui j’étais.

I can’t spend forever waiting for you to be a better person, I won’t put my happiness on the back burner for us to be together. At one time in my life, I couldn’t imagine my life without you, now I find it hard to see where you would properly fit into it. I know in my heart that I’ll always care about you, and maybe being friends is something we could do in a few months from now, but I doubt that you can ever be who I need in my life.  Mood song : “Never say never”